I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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