One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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