alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
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