Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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