you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
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