Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
