When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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