a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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