Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
