I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Randomize
