Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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