I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
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I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
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There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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