last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
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Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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