can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
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