I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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