love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
