We won't sleep together?
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
