The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
you mean i was at the winter classic?
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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