she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize
