weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
