I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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