from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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