I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
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the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
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It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic