Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia