At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
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