We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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