I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
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All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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