He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
