when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
