somebody snuck up and got me drunk
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
