all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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