and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
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