Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
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i don't really know how much tequila is too much
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
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Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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