I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
