it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
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