I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
