dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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