Sponge bath it is.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
