We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
