Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Randomize
