I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
