My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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