doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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