If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Randomize
