I never want to see another naked old woman again.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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