ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
