i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Randomize
