It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
