Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize