Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
