Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
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