): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
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He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize