i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Randomize
