she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
