youre lurking in front of me
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
then he tried to convert me to islam
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
