I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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