No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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