A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Randomize