I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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