His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
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