It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
